This saying that, “in order to have friends, you have to be a friend”, would have you question the kind of friend you are….Even more so if you’re someone on the spectrum dealing with unwritten social rules, missed cues, subtle hints and non verbals that just goes completely over your head.
Although I completely agree, the thing with this quote is that friendship can mean different things for different people.
I blindly tried to live by this quote from the age of 9 for about 11 years, and I stopped as a result of a lot of heartache and pain. I wasn’t appreciated 💔. Especially by people who were in my age group. I wasn’t perfect but I was one of those friends who treated anyone close to me as if they were my own family. I was very loyal, generous and helpful. I didn’t like to see anyone left out and if you had pain, your pain was my pain. Yet they had the audacity, the actual chutzpah to treat me like I wasn’t good enough.👌
I’ve learned though to accept that not everyone will have the same heart or values as you. People aren’t always going to be what you need in life but different friends are good for different reasons. A friend to cry with, a friend to laugh with, a friend who can help you get back on your feet.
I realized that the majority of people these days prefer to work to get someone’s 10% up to 80%, than appreciate someone who freely gives 80%.
Most of our heartaches as human beings comes from things we can’t have.
My advice: So yes, if you want friends, you do have to put some effort to become one, but be smart about it. Be yourself and if they don’t appreciate what you bring to the table, you don’t have to care. You did your part, it wasn’t for them, you can choose to work to get their 10% up to 80% or you can choose to let them go find whatever it is that’s perfect for them🚮. Also realize that we’re all still learning with unsettled dispositions and lacking certain capacities.
Thanks for reading!