1. Social proof/validation has a lot of power.
Whether or not I cared for it, after reviewing the year 2017 I realised social validation actually has a lot of power. When people are unsure of you, they’ll look to the behaviours of others towards you as an important guideline for how to treat you. Which makes sense, if you want to buy something one of the first things you’ll look out for is the reviews.
I realised that when we talk about how poorly we’ve been treated to anyone we meet, that we’re somehow subconsciously setting the tone for how they might treat us in the future. And from that you’ll get either one of two people…..
1. The sheep: 🐑
They’ll go and do the very thing that you warned would hurt you or at least use it against you at some point.
2. The exception: ✨
They’ll prove themselves special or different from the rest by not following what’s been done in the past by the majority and maybe even treat you better.
Most people are like sheep unfortunately, so I’ve decided in 2018 there’ll be less talk about how poorly I’ve been treated and more of how much people appreciate and value me. 😌
2. If it is forced, it’s probably not even worth it.
I realised I’ve spent, actually wasted a lot of my time with people who really didn’t have much desire to be understanding, empathetic or caring towards me. I was struggling so much for acceptance and understanding but I found it’s better when a person is already willing to meet you half way than you having to fight for it. So if the effort isn’t even there or comes up patchy then I’m not going to try and force it. I’m tired and 2018 will most definitely not be the year for forced anything. 🙅
3. The art of reciprocation.
I struggled a lot with some social situations and what really helped me to overcome these difficulties was keeping in mind that we receive what we give off. This helped me a lot when I was often stuck with what to do and not putting anything out there to anyone that I didn’t want for myself. So in 2018 my gift to myself is to treat people how I want to be treated. 🎁
4. Scarcity is good for the heart ❤.
When you have a good heart you’re very likely to be taken for granted and one remedy I found that always works without fail is making yourself scarce. In the words of Cheryl Cole(or whatever her last name is now) “Too much of anything can make you sick, even the good can be a curse” Since I can only keep up with a few relationships at a time, when I’m not checking in with my friends, I’ll spend time with my family and if not the family, my special interest ect. That way I’m not spending too much time focusing on one relationship group, spacing them out evenly and in turn giving enough time to make their heart grow fonder.
5. Silence is golden✨.
I’ve learned that the inner tension created in silence is so powerful that most people tend to give anything or even overcompensate just to reduce this discomfort. For example:
- If you want to know what’s on a person’s heart or their true intentions – silence is key.
- If you’re negotiating a deal and want a cheaper/higher price – zip it up 🤐 because silence is key.
- If you want someone to wonder about you and go crazy trying to read you as a person – say as little to nothing because silence is key.
So in 2018 I will continue to say less, stress less and not give too much of myself.
Thanks for reading.