So to explain how my train of thought works imagine an actual train which stops at various stations and the stations are of emotions, actions, ideas and random thoughts.
Example: 1. Hello, good morning station, 2. Text bestfriend station, 3. Excitement station, 4. Curry station, 5. Make a gift station…..
Where most people’s train of thought will stop at every station, my train of thought doesn’t always stop and delve into every station, it’ll sometimes skip certain stations. I might think about things for a split second but because my train of thought doesn’t always stop I don’t get to stop and act upon those thoughts, feelings or ideas.
Part of that is because of sensory overload, the environmental elements can be so distracting I can barely hear let alone concentrate on my own thoughts.
Then there’s another part where for example if you’ve ever played any of The Sims games, where you have to maintain your Sims basic needs on a daily basis.
My social need is broken so my train of thought doesn’t stop very often at the social related stations. This for me is very frustrating because I often come across as cold, distant and uncaring. Which isn’t the case 😣😔
You could approach me with the most exciting news and my demeanor:
vs. My disposition:
What I look like on the outside doesn’t match how I feel on the inside. Why? Because my train of thought must’ve completely skipped excitement station preventing me to express how excited I really feel.
Then there’s moments when my train of thought completely derails into the middle of nowhere, especially when I’m talking about something that needs to be said in chronological order, like stories and speeches. It’s hard because my train of thought can’t skip any stations for me to make sense of what I’m saying. So because of this I have to plan my interactions and conversations in advance or keep notes to prompt me. Otherwise all the words get jumbled up in my head and
What was I just talking about?……………….
Thanks for reading!